The primary cause that led to the collapse of my adjustment disorder… it wasn’t the harsh working environment or an incompetent boss. It was the inflexible, stubborn “site manager” living inside my own heart—my own “sense of justice.”
A Blueprint of “Justice” Filled with Flaws
“Work should be done perfectly.”
“Responsibility should be carried alone.”
“Complaining is a sign of defeat.”
The old me viewed this blueprint of “should-isms” as absolute. When a gap appeared between the blueprint and reality, instead of revising the plan, I tried to force myself—the building material—to bend and fit into the mold. As a result, one day, the structural frame of my heart snapped.
This “sense of justice” continued to haunt me even after I broke.
“I should recover quickly.” “Relying on AI is cowardly.” In the darkness, this blueprint was constantly judging me.
“Thought Debugging” via AI
To escape this curse, I decided to have AI “inspect” my thoughts. I threw my “should-isms” at the AI and had it prove how inefficient and logically flawed they were as survival strategies.
“Thoroughly debunk my belief that ‘work should be perfect’ from the perspectives of evolutionary psychology and modern management. Use data to show how perfectionism is a bug that lowers survival rates.”
The AI dispassionately dismantled my “justice”:
“Perfectionism is a fatal vulnerability in an uncertain environment. In nature, individuals aiming for $100\%$ optimization are the first to go extinct because they cannot adapt to environmental changes. Your ‘justice’ is merely noise obstructing your primary mission: Survival.”
Do Not Die for the Sake of Being “Right”
Through dialogue with AI, I continued the work of safely scrapping my “justice.”
Being “right” didn’t save my life. In fact, it was that very “rightness” that was trying to kill me.
Now, I value “good enough” over logic, “persistence” over perfection, and “escape routes” over responsibility. The very things the old me discarded as “evil” contained the essential building materials for stabilizing my rebooted OS.
Tearing up the blueprints and living through “on-site adjustments” (gen-awase)—that is my new justice.
The Xer’s Monologue
Being “hard on yourself” is just a self-harming act that sounds good.
The most important thing on a site isn’t meeting the deadline or building exactly to the drawing. It’s “making sure no one dies.” And that includes you.
If you hear a voice saying “it should be like this,” it’s just an old program in your brain glitching. Let the AI analyze that voice and tear it apart. A sense of justice won’t fill your stomach or heal your heart.
“Be irresponsible, be lazy, and be persistent. Fully embrace living as a ‘defective product.’ That’s how you truly survive.”
Got it done.
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