A few days into my isolation. The sludge-like fatigue deep inside my body didn’t fade; instead, it grew thicker.
Poisoned by the Sound of “Daily Life”
Sunlight leaking through the gaps in the curtains drew sharp, knife-like lines on the floor. From outside, I could hear the voices of children going to school and the backup buzzers of commercial trucks. Once, I was part of those sounds, keeping the “site” of society running.
But now, they were nothing but noises accusing me. “You’re the only one who stopped.” “You’re the only one who failed.” The ordinary daily life outside my window was pure poison to me.
Drowning in the Cement of Kindness
Friends and family reached out to check on me. “Take a good rest.” “Don’t rush.”
Every time those words appeared on my screen, it felt like my heart was being crushed. Even when told to “rest,” I couldn’t. Inside my head, anxieties about lost wages, a blank resume, and a career I might never return to were ringing out like a frantic rush construction site. I felt trapped, as if my feet were being set in the cement of “kindness,” making it impossible to move.
Isolation as My Only Shelter
In the end, I turned off my smartphone. Unless I was in a place where I was connected to no one and seen by no one, I couldn’t even maintain my own “weakness.”
When the light of others is too bright, you have no choice but to dive into total darkness. That was the only survival strategy I found at the time.
The Xer’s Monologue
“Don’t care about what others think”—that’s just nonsense spoken by healthy people. When you’re at rock bottom, even the footsteps of a stranger passing by sound like they’re mocking you.
But you know what? That’s okay. You have every right to run away from the “correctness” that becomes poison. Close the window, cover your ears, and barricade yourself in your own lonely shelter.
That’s not rejection; it’s a “curing period” (Yojo) to protect the site of your heart from external noise.
“Even if it’s sunny outside, if it’s a downpour in your room, it’s perfectly fine to sleep under an umbrella.”
Got it done.
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